Feelings after a PainT

The feeling in the house today had been pretty wierd. This was all the more puzzling as we had just finished painting the 2 rooms and the rearranged the furniture in my room (at least partially), which to me is quite a major achievement and thus many cause to celebrate. But strangely enough, my dad decided to go into one of his mood swings again and thus there was an awkward silence the entire morning as i was still irritated over his uncalled for outburst.

This pretty much reflect my feelings right now. It pained me when I realised that i had to put someone i liked and cared so much through such an unpleasant situation and no matter what I do or say, I will not be able to share in completely the responsibility or shitty feelings that she is going through right now because it is still she who has to say the things and do the dirty job whereas all I can do is to only double or even triple my efforts to be nice to her to make up for the bad things i have to make her do. Its like all those crappy empathy stuff that we learnt last time where u can say how much u understand or know but when asked directly, it is only words that are difficult to translate into actions. Its divine retribution as I had jokingly say before but in all seriousness, is it fair for someone else to bear my debt when i m supposed to be the one getting the retribution? Does this happen to all those whom i had criticised so harshly before or is it only just me? Would this have not happen if I had been more accomodating and understanding of others' situation in the past? No words was able to describe the guilt and apolegetic feelings that was welling inside me when I saw your tears last night. All i can say now is that I m relly sorry to have made u cry and i promise that you will never be made to cry again with me by your side...